Sam’s Guide to Relationships

A relationship is a bed of roses.  They look delightful from the outside, but once you get in one you find yourself endlessly pricked by thorns (prickles).  Fortunately, you, dear reader, have this guide.

The first rule of relationships is communication.  A good relationship is founded on clarity, not assumptions.  If something bothers you, you should let your partner know.  This goes the other way, too.  If your partner says that nothing is wrong, congratulations!  Your relationship is perfect! Think of yourself as a lawyer when you and your darling divide chores.  If her chore is dishes and she is out for a week, she cannot be mad if she comes home to week-old dishes.  This was her failure to communicate, and this lesson will be good for both of you.

You and your sweetheart, and I cannot emphasize this enough, cannot both be the best.  If your darling calls you the best, do not simply accept it, as you are implicitly telling her you do not love her by not telling her that she is wrong because she is the best, making it impossible that you could be the best.  If she responds similarly, that in fact it is you who, by being the best, prevents her from being the best, this is good.  It is a sign she respects you.  You must respond appropriately, telling her that once again she has become confused, and that her confusion stems from a misunderstanding around the notion that you are the best.  Explain to her that she is the best, and she can be the best because you are not the best, for if you were the best, she could not be the best, but she is the best.  The length and heat of this conversation is a useful barometer for relationship health.

Finally, this is a Spearow.

Spearows are the garbage bird pokemon. They are everywhere, they do not evolve into powerful forms, and unlike other common pokemon such as Pidgey, Weedle, Caterpie, and Rattata, they cost too much to evolve to be useful for power-leveling.  Once you get to higher levels and they start to break out of your pokeballs, you will spend more pokeballs catching them than the 100 experience and stardust is worth.  Do your relationship a favor.  When you are walking along a moonlit beach with your sweetheart, and your phone buzzes indicating a pokemon is nearby, check if it’s a Spearow.  If so, just put your phone down. Your relationship means more than a worthless Spearow.

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