Tag Archives: Bizarre

When you’re feelin’ dull

Rather than post an actual blog entry, let me put this up. This is for my “utopia knife” that my father got me for my birthday. It think this manual may have been written by an actual knife.

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There are a lot of good lines here, but in particular let me point out

Due to knife steel need hardness, then the steel must be including carbon element which decide it rust resistant. It is very professional filed. More information, please check in google about knife material.

I think what this is saying is that Utopia knife is a knife, and has a knife’s needs. I understand. Knives are people, too. Also, some carbon element somewhere just up and decided it was rust resistant. Or something. We here at Utopia knives don’t actually understand knives very well, and suggest you look on the Internet for someone who knows what they’re talking about. If you can figure out what the deal is with this knife stuff, please let us know.

Due to different customer with different use habit. When you feel dull, please use the knife sharpening tool to make it sharp again in a right sharp way.

I never feel dull. My life is a mile-a-minute thrill ride of which my Utopia knife should be honored to be a part. I just can’t figure out why my knife won’t cut things.

Customer Service:
If you have any question for the knife. Please contact our customer service Utopia will keep improve.

I have so many questions for my knife. What do you think about during a long day of chopping? Do you get lonely when I leave you in your drawer for a long time? Would you say you’re more into chopping meat, or are you a vegetable kind of knife? How do you feel about my blender? Utopia knife, do you love me?

If I can be honest, I asked these questions of my old knife every night and it never answered. I’m not sure I’m ready to trust again, but maybe someday soon I’ll contact customer service.

 

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Vancouver

This was the first image that greeted me upon leaving Vancouver airport. Indigenous totem poles rising behind a food cart selling Japanese style hot dogs.

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As it turns out, this was representative. Vancouver is an international city, and the staple foods are not maple syrup and poutine, but sushi and ramen.

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IMG_20170802_125948120_HDR.jpgThe restaurants for these and other foods will commonly have lines out the front. They’ll happily tell you the wait is fifteen minutes, and then let you stand around for thirty. One of my colleagues abandoned the group so that she could get a seat without having to wait another thirty minutes for a table of five. I can’t judge too much, since it was two seats she nabbed, and when she pressured me to take the other one, leaving me with the choice of abandoning the rest of the group or her herself, I acquiesced. Fortunately, the others simply wandered on and found food elsewhere.

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At one noodle bar, there were Canadian flags everywhere. I commented how I had thought that Canada would not engage in such displays of nationalism.

Our Canadian friend replied, “well, I guess recently we’ve been feeling rather proud here in Canada.”

“How recently?” I asked.

“Well,” he mused, “I guess ever since the American election.”

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At the #1 restaurant in Vancouver according to Tripadvisor, Jam Cafe, the line started at 7:35 AM, twenty five minutes before opening. I was at the front of the line since I arrived at 7:00.

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My reward for my wait was not the chicken and waffles prominently advertised, which I can find anywhere around home, but rather pulled pork and pancakes. It was heavy and wasn’t as good as its poultry counterpart, but I was glad to have tried it.

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Other interesting bits of the unusual culture include the absence in my apartment building of a fourth floor. In Chinese, the character for four is the character for death. In fact, there’s no floor with a four as any digit. Alice pointed out that there is also no thirteenth floor. Equal opportunity superstition.

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My best find of all, though, was this set of billboards. Look closely at them and try to figure out what they’re intended to communicate.

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I spoke to a native who said that these billboards had been on that wall for ten years, but that he still hadn’t figured it out. My theory is based on the colors. Red means “don’t say this” and green means “do say this.” It is a public service announcement about how to speak to your child.

Alice hates when I don’t include some kind of concluding statement, so in conclusion, don’t expect Vancouver to be all lumberjacks, beavers, and moose. I didn’t see any of those things. Expect lines, crowds, and delicious Asian food.

(cover image is from outside the Vancouver Aquarium)